coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
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Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's blow job season.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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