Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
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She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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