Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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