can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
