If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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