There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
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you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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