she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
