Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
