You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
