kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
