Swine flu is the new snow day.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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