I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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