Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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