i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
