im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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