Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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