On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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