My underwear smells like fireworks.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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