i jhust puked up my retainher.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
