I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
