Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
