You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
