when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
