saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
