I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
