oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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