How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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