So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
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Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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