Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
