Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
