so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
sexting just seems like too much work right now.