You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
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If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
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How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.