these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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