You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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