You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
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We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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