I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
