Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
