last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
