I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
