I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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