Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
