I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
