Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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