Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
