you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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