erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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