You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
