Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dignity is for republicans.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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