I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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