im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
