I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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