I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
