Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
