laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
