I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
