I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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