He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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