I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
