please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You need Xanax blowdarts
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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