I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
